Business Report

What if you were living in the final week of Jesus’ life?

In a stunning move that has caught many in the business world by surprise, Lamb Corporation’s CEO Jesus Christ announced today that He would be sacrificing his company and his vast personal wealth in order to fully pay off the world debt that has burdened every living person. The announcement was made this evening in a board meeting as Mr. Christ told the privately held company’s twelve board members that his sacrifice was the only one that could pay the great debt of the world. Needless to say each board member expressed great surprise at this decision as they spoke with reporters afterwards. The board members’ comments ranged from disbelief to shock, with one board member stating off record that the move was a waste of the corporation’s great profit potential and that he was now forced to take a counter move to stop this action.

Simon Peter, a prominent board member, stated that he sensed the banquet and meeting was going to be different than those of the past when Mr. Christ insisted on washing each of the board members’ hands, which is considered the dirtiest part of the body, as they entered the banquet hall. The subservient act is usually done by a banquet attendant and when Mr. Peter protested he was told that his submission was mandatory to truly be a part of the Lamb’s board.

Mr. Christ’s personal sacrifice will immediately sink the once prominent CEO into total poverty. Throughout the day other prominent business, civic, and religious leaders have criticized Mr. Christ’s actions using such descriptive as ‘reckless,’ ‘media showboating,’ and ‘a dangerous example for other leaders.’ The consensus of the group, though, is that Mr. Christ’s bankruptcy is a clear indication of his unstableness and a well deserved judgment for his own shortcomings. When told of these comments by a reporter Mr. Christ responded by quoting the Old Testament prophet Isaiah (53:4), “Surely he has borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.”